Most days, she thinks that Alcide is the reason he's survived at all. He's
the reason that she can still feel emotions, the reason that she's more
than a husk of a girl. Buffy can survive physically without any problem.
She doesn't need anyone, but emotionally, after Dawn died, she's been
barely hanging on. He's made all the difference for her.
It's really not as bad as all that. She is still the person he fell in love
with, she just used to be more, or maybe she's supposed to be more.
She's not sure which. She rests her chin on her knees. She hasn't lied to
him. She just hasn't been very forthcoming with her past.
"In every generation there is a chosen one. She alone will stand against
the vampires the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the slayer,"
Buffy says in a whisper, clearly repeating something she's heard a thousand
times. "At least that's how it's supposed to go. Things changed when I
drowned for a little while and now there's two slayers, which doesn't
really help anything because Faith is in jail for probably the rest of her
life." She knows she's probably not making a lot of sense to Alcide.
"That's why I'm stronger than a human. I heal faster. I move faster. I'm
more agile. I've got essence of a demon in me. I'm supposed to keep people
safe from the supernatural." She glances at Alcide. "I don't kill
werewolves. I never have. You can't help what you are. I just try to make
sure they're not killing people during the full moon. Restrain and all
that. I don't even kill vampires or demons if they aren't hurting people."
She pauses. "I didn't, I mean." She closes her eyes and sighs. "Dawnie was
magical. Literally. She was made from a part of me, this magical key whose
blood opened portals. A hell goddess got stuck here. I--I couldn't kill
her. Not before she used Dawn to open a portal. Once the blood started, the
portal only closed when the blood stopped." She swallows hard. She hates
telling this story; she has to relive it along with her failure, but Alcide
needs to know. He's earned the right to know.
"Giles--Giles wanted me to--I don't know. He thought I should have let Dawn
die, I guess. I wasn't going to. I was going to stop Glory. I was going to
save Dawn. I was going to save everyone, but she was so strong and I...I
couldn't. The portal opened and Dawn was bleeding and...I couldn't get
there in time. I would have saved her. I would have let the portal swallow
the whole world, but that's not how it went. I told Giles before it ever
started that if Dawn died, I quit."
She opens her eyes and turns her head to look at Alcide. "That's why I'm
here. I quit being the slayer and now I'm just...Buffy."
no subject
Most days, she thinks that Alcide is the reason he's survived at all. He's the reason that she can still feel emotions, the reason that she's more than a husk of a girl. Buffy can survive physically without any problem. She doesn't need anyone, but emotionally, after Dawn died, she's been barely hanging on. He's made all the difference for her.
It's really not as bad as all that. She is still the person he fell in love with, she just used to be more, or maybe she's supposed to be more. She's not sure which. She rests her chin on her knees. She hasn't lied to him. She just hasn't been very forthcoming with her past.
"In every generation there is a chosen one. She alone will stand against the vampires the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the slayer," Buffy says in a whisper, clearly repeating something she's heard a thousand times. "At least that's how it's supposed to go. Things changed when I drowned for a little while and now there's two slayers, which doesn't really help anything because Faith is in jail for probably the rest of her life." She knows she's probably not making a lot of sense to Alcide. "That's why I'm stronger than a human. I heal faster. I move faster. I'm more agile. I've got essence of a demon in me. I'm supposed to keep people safe from the supernatural." She glances at Alcide. "I don't kill werewolves. I never have. You can't help what you are. I just try to make sure they're not killing people during the full moon. Restrain and all that. I don't even kill vampires or demons if they aren't hurting people." She pauses. "I didn't, I mean." She closes her eyes and sighs. "Dawnie was magical. Literally. She was made from a part of me, this magical key whose blood opened portals. A hell goddess got stuck here. I--I couldn't kill her. Not before she used Dawn to open a portal. Once the blood started, the portal only closed when the blood stopped." She swallows hard. She hates telling this story; she has to relive it along with her failure, but Alcide needs to know. He's earned the right to know.
"Giles--Giles wanted me to--I don't know. He thought I should have let Dawn die, I guess. I wasn't going to. I was going to stop Glory. I was going to save Dawn. I was going to save everyone, but she was so strong and I...I couldn't. The portal opened and Dawn was bleeding and...I couldn't get there in time. I would have saved her. I would have let the portal swallow the whole world, but that's not how it went. I told Giles before it ever started that if Dawn died, I quit."
She opens her eyes and turns her head to look at Alcide. "That's why I'm here. I quit being the slayer and now I'm just...Buffy."