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[likeabulldozer]

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[whattingawhat]

They'd been dating for a while, but they'd hardly delved into all of their history. They've told each other bits and pieces. She's shared less about her life simply because she's cut herself off from it. She talks about her mom, talks about Dawn, about her life before she turned sixteen. She'd told him about the life she wanted to remember.

In Buffy's opinion, those aren't bad qualities to have. She understands, though, how those qualities could get him hurt. Until Dawn had died, at least the bit about not doing anything halfway had applied to Buffy. That had all changed when she'd lost her sister. Now, some days, it feels like she does everything halfway. She tries not to put her whole self into anything at all.

She's beginning to trust him. It takes a while for her nowadays.

When he takes the time to say something, it does count to Buffy. She's spend a good deal of her life around taciturn men, she knows when to listen.

Buffy presses her lips together. "I don't know. Sometimes I hope that she would be. Other times...I don't think it matters what she would be okay with or wouldn't because she's not here anymore."

[rouxgaroux]

Alcide continues to wash Buffy, running the sponge over her skin until he drops the sponge and one large hand massages at the back of her neck. She's tense, but he gets the feeling that whatever tension she has is slowly unraveling itself. He hopes he has something to do with that. He hopes to keep it unraveling.

"If you're still here, she's still here, Buffy. May not be the way you want her here. But she's here." There's some quote he heard about awhile back about death not being the final thing if you have loved ones or something like that. He doesn't remember the exact words but just lets his own version carry it to her.

He leans down to kiss the top of her head again. "You just shared her with me. That's somethin', Buffy. I can imagine she was a lot like you. Annoying in that way siblings can be, but loved." Alcide has a sister. He knows how that is.

[whattingawhat]

His feeling isn't wrong at all. Every bit of tension in her is unraveling as he runs the sponge over her skin. She relaxes even more at the feel of his hand on the back of her neck. Melting into this bathtub isn't an impossibility.

She nods a little at Alcide's words. "Part of me knows that. It's just--it should have been me? You know? I was supposed to close that portal. I was supposed to save the world and she was supposed to be home watching horror movies and eating pizza with anchovies on it."

She leans against the side of the tub, closer to Alcide. He actually gets her to laugh ever so slightly. "She could annoy me faster than anyone." She looks up at Alcide. "Sometimes I think she was all the best parts of me."

And now those parts are gone.