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[likeabulldozer]

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[fictor]

It had felt good, hadn't it? Somehow, Ronan always feels a little better, at least in the moment, when he destroys something. It never lasts, but it's enough to get him by. While Blue might not put much stock in anniversaries, but Ronan knows how powerful a certain day of the year can be. He's dealt with the fallout of the anniversary of Niall's death for years.

Yeah, this time of year sucks all the life out of Ronan, if he had any life in him at all in the first place. He's fortunate that Declan doesn't want anything to do with the Barns so there's no one to kick him out, no one to care if he's self destructing. Ronan doesn't care much about property damage; he's much more interested in destroying himself. He knows he's going to bring Blue down with him, and as horrible as it makes him, he finds it hard to care because he needs her there with him, down in the dirt and the mud, as low as he is.

Speed limits aren't suggestions? Could have fooled Ronan, but he appreciates that she's here, even if he won't tell her so. He appreciates that she's brought coping measures and that she broke speed limits to be here. He watches impassively as she slides to a stop in front of the porch. It's not until she shouts and promises beer that he puts his bottle down and gets to his feet, ambling out into the frozen yard without much of a care.

"Yeah, I woke up to it this way." As if he's not to blame, as if this weather isn't a reflection of everything inside of him. He goes to the trunk, popping it open and grabs the beer out. "We can go inside if you want." It's a concession to the cold and an admittance that he knows it's his fault. He just can't be assed to try and fix it. He's not even sure he could right now.

[makeslouder]

It had felt good. She can understand why Ronan tended to destroy something. It's only a band aid to the pain rather than any kind of real cure but it helps. For those few blissful minutes, she can forget how much her life sucks and how much she misses him. She can forget that she killed her true love and fucked up all of their lives.

Thankfully, for some reason, Ronan always seems to forgive her. No matter how bad the fight is, he always seems to forgive her. She knows that the reasons are selfish. She knows that he likes seeing her as broken as he is because she likes the same thing. Blue might be down in the dirt and mud but she isn't there alone.

She shivers as the cold breeze blows a few lingering snowflakes in her hair. The least he could've done is get her a sweatshirt or something to wear over her tank. Why would he bother being considerate? That's not Ronan's style. And the truth is, she likes the cold. It fits the day. Fits it better than the warm, sunshine filled day that engulfs the rest of Henrietta.

"Gimme a few beers," she decides, closing the trunk to the Pig as soon as the beer's been removed. "Then maybe we can go back outside."

[fictor]

It does feel good to break something beyond repair, to make something that was once whole as broken as they are. If he were a better person, he'd feel like an asshole for bringing Blue into this destruction, for not encouraging her to heal, to move forward with her life. Ronan is not that good a person.

He forgives her for the same reason; he doesn't want to be down in the dirt alone.

He's not that considerate and he suspects that Blue will like the cold as much as he likes it. It's punishing and they both want to be punished, which is why they're here together. It's why they always end up together.

He grunts at her decision and heads toward the house with the beer. He slams though the door, leaving it open for Blue and takes the beer into the kitchen and sets it on the counter. He grabs a couple out, sliding one across the counter and opening one for himself. He takes a long drink of it then lets his gaze settle on Blue.